The transition between holiday to home

I've lived in New Zealand for approximately 12 days and I now feel qualified to tell you what it's like to move to a new country.

I was struggling to think about how to write this post, mainly as it makes me confront some serious emotions I feel I've been holding on to for fear they would be unleashed on some poor unsuspecting workmate or I would just end up on my kitchen floor eating hokey pokey ice cream left by my parents (it's honeycomb Australian friends- that's what they call honeycomb ice cream...).

When you first arrive you're no one, you can pass seemingly as a tourist and for me that has been a difficult challenge. I still feel as if I am on holiday- even starting a new job I keep feeling someone is going to be like "you know you better get back to DSC now right?"

Slowly this week as I have started my new job, set up my classroom (yes friends, I have my own classroom), and settled into a routine, it's starting to feel real.

My parents left Tuesday and since then I've felt a bit empty and a little lost. It's hard to adjust to a new house, new sounds. Tangent story- a cat broke into my house Wednesday night and woke me up in the middle of the night- scared the hell out of me. I have now secured the cat flap.

But really I think the biggest issue is it's only now starting to sink in. It's happened.

I've started riding, did a few k's down around the lake, still in awe of how beautiful this place is. I've found some of the local swimming holes and been for some amazing runs. The gardens, trees and mountains still blow my mind. Crazy things like the cloud formations are unreal.

This shine will not wear off soon and it does help to love the setting.

For a small town the charm is real. People are really nice, unless you drive a hire car and do something dumb, they want to genuinely help you and support you. I have moved into a community that is authentic and humble.

Perhaps this is the difficulty of the transition, there is guilt in missing home when you have it so good here.

I don't ever feel I will belong here, this town has deep rooted history and even as it grows it still feels like a small town. Everyone knows everyone (and their grandparents). You can never be truly local in places like this. But there is a moment when you start to feel like this is home.

This week I stopped riding my bike to direct tourists to New World (New Zealand Supermarket) and had this realisation that I do know this place. I'm starting to get around the town easier and have started to find shortcuts and the best places to find food. I'm just waiting to go shopping in town and run into everyone...

For me sadness will pass, you can never leave friends and family and not expect to feel left out and lonely. There will be these days, where you hurt and you realise it's real but not in a "good way".

It's part of the transition, it will pass. Hopefully I'll feel less like a holiday maker soon.