Living in the NZ bubble

This week has been hard. I can't tell you why, I think it's the moment that I have stopped running and have had to process massive changes in my life.

Living in New Zealand in the middle of a global pandemic is weird. There really isn't any other way to explain it. While friends from home and around the world live in fear of others, masks at the ready and a constant threat of the nasal swab, New Zealanders continue to go about their life as if it has never changed.

For us it hasn't. The contamination of Covid-19 was stopped swiftly and quickly. It has meant life has changed for us but we also live in this potentially retrospective view that we will not have this virus control us.

This doesn't mean we haven't noticed the difference. There are less tourists, less work and a lot more strains on businesses. The tourism industry has taken a massive hit and small towns that thrived on visitors are slowly closing down. The real strain will start hitting now as payments from the government are being cut off and families will start having to pinch pennies. It isn't the case for everyone but the loss of benefits for some will be detrimental for years to come.

New Zealand hasn't had it "hit" yet though, we still live as though the world hasn't changed.

However what does that mean for the lone Australian? Moving here I was under the naïve impression I would be able to travel home and touch base with those I love when I needed to. The quick 3 hours trip across the ditch was the appeal to be here, it meant that if life threw a curveball I could catch it and come home.

Well clearly I don't know how to catch. In fact the massive fumble has meant the best and worst for me. I am very fortunate to be in this position. While my best friend reaches week 12 of managed lockdown in Melbourne I have just returned from a 1650km trip of the middle of the south island. I often feel guilty for the freedom I can assert, being able to hop in my car to go skiing for a day trip, leave for a weekend to the coast or even just be able to go to a bar. I also know that we are living in a time that cannot last and that at some point New Zealand is going to have to hit the reality that the rest of the world is experiencing.

While I am trying to make sure I make the most of this freedom I also know that it comes with a massive emotional toll. I am connected to here, to where I live, but I also have this strange sense of nationalism that I never thought I possessed. I miss Australia. I know that I am torn. I love the people here, the friends and people who make my life feel complete but part of me is always missing home.

Despite the connection of technology there is no way to replace people, to replace the need to hug my parents, my aunt and uncle, my dog. I cannot be supportive to my friends with their new bubs. I'm watching friends in lockdown and I cannot offer them solace or hope. Sometimes it hurts to see my Instagram feed and know that I cannot be there. I miss gum trees, sandy beaches and good coffee. I have never been more torn in my life.

I don't have any advice, I'm not sure how to fix feelings like this. This maybe is the most complicated part of moving to another country. You will feel like each place has your heart. I will never forget Australia but I also love New Zealand. I know that when I leave there will be a massive gap left from here too.