Being trapped in hysteria

Honestly it feels like a weird dream. In the past 3 days Dave and I have been physically cut off from our homeland with no chance of return in the near future.

For me this has meant that I am missing my one opportunity to go home this year to see my friends and family and they have had to cancel trips here.

For Dave this has meant his whole business basically went into the toilet until they open borders again, he has found a job and the business will survive but it's definitely been hobbled.

I feel guilty because of how devastated I am.

I'm lucky.

I have witnessed many people not being able to return home to their loved ones, students of our school have had to remain here as it is not possible for them to go home even for the holidays, people cannot get groceries or essentials because of stupidity in panic buying, I am not directly effected by this.

I'm lucky because my vulnerable loved ones are safe for the minute, I have food in the fridge and toilet paper.

And yet, I am still sad, and frustrated, and defeated.

I am stuck.

I've tried for several days to work out why I'm so shattered, it's more that it's a waiting game that is eating away at me.

I am waiting for the first cases to hit Cromwell, I'm waiting for the school to shut, I'm waiting for supermarkets to be fully empty, I'm waiting for myself to get the virus.

Essentially I'm waiting for answers that may never come and yet I wait.